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Being the Connected Grandmother

My grandchildren were born one after another, over the course of only a few years. I worked full time, but like any good grandmother, I wanted to relate to each of the new arrivals. I wanted to buy them things they would enjoy. So I went out dutifully and purchased new clothes, rattles and age appropriate toys, at high prices. Sometimes my grandchildren played with these things and sometimes not. Sometimes they gave a cursory attention to the present and then it went on the shelf to be forgotten. In any case, I never felt that I had made a meaningful connection through giving them ‘things’ and I knew that I wanted to be part of an active process.

When my first grandchild reached fifteen months, I began to think seriously about what I could bring with me on a visit, other than traditional store-bought, mass-produced gifts.

For over forty years I had been a consultant on early care and education, to a range of colleges, state governments and many other institutions. Now what could I do for my own family with all that experience? How could I translate my expertise into something I could share closer to home?  I realized that I had an application immediately available. I didn’t have to buy the latest gizmo to be able to spend quality time with them; in fact, toys could be counter-productive. That was the epiphany. I could actually provide my own resources for the perfect gifts, again and again, and quite simply.

I knew that projects for young children had to be fun and age appropriate. I also knew that projects could teach: small motor development, eye-hand coordination, and cognitive skills. I was much more interested in process than product from the outset. It mattered more what the child was doing and how he was doing it than what he came up with in the end. I wanted the child to learn to think. The home activities involved making decisions about materials, what to do with them and how to make pieces of things into something else, a very different experience from a drawing in a pre-designed coloring book. I also wanted to participate with my grandchild in all these discoveries, to share the joy, and establish a special relationship.

And that is how Grandma’s Project Bag was born.

My grandchildren were excited from the moment I walked in the door with my bag, thrilled about what we were going to do together. Looking forward to seeing each other and working together were the driving forces. Grandma’s entrance with her incredible bag made me feel like Mary Poppins with her magic carpetbag and umbrella!

Ultimately, my grandchildren looked forward to the bag even more than to seeing me, but that was fine. I knew we would spend important time together. I took the bag on flights, and when I arrived, my young ones hunted in my suitcases for the treasure they knew I had brought. The children always wanted the bag left behind, but my response was: “The project bag goes with grandma--and comes back with her.” That of course is a beautiful hook. My bag contains no ordinary crayons. They belong in the project bag. I know, but the child doesn’t necessarily know, that the specialness is that grandma and grandchild are working together with these magical crayons. Their role has changed from use as a distraction (“Here are some crayons, dear. Now go color”) to a loving, communal project (“Let’s talk about what we can do together with the things I have here”).

One of the challenging parts of being a grandma is coming into someone else’s house where rules and sense of orderliness may be different from yours. These you must respect. As a result, I buy plastic cafeteria trays to set projects up on, so that there is less risk of paint or glue spilling over onto a cherished table. I put an old tee shirt in my bag if smocks aren’t in the house to protect clothing. These small things prevent unnecessary conflict, and everyone is happy. Some homes have big kitchen tables that can be covered with newspaper to catch any spills. You will know your own situation best.

There is hardly anything more important in life than connecting with one’s grandchildren. It pleasures grandma, and parents enjoy watching their children become totally engaged. And none of this is difficult. Oh what wonderful things we will do together!

 

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